It was just another night alone for Christian.

            How many times had something along these lines happened to him?  He had lost track now.  It seemed that he had such bad luck, every person he ever got intimate with always ended up dumping him for someone else.  Not only that, but he was cheated on first.  That's how it had to be...  At least, it seemed that way.

'I'm so tired of being here...

Supressed by all my childish fears...

And if you have to leave,

I wish that you would just leave,

'Cause your presence still lingers here,

And it won't leave me alone...'

            He tried, with no avail, to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks...  At this time of night, Chris Jericho would usually be right there next to him.  Chris had always said the sweetest things.  Sweeter then Edge, or Lance, or Test, or Kurt, or any of the people he had been with.  Maybe that was why it hurt so much to find out it had all been lies.

            Christian swore softly under his breath that he was never going to fall in love again.  With his luck, his next partner would be a serial killer that enjoyed cutting out people's hearts.  Christian thought to himself how unlucky the poor guy would be whne he found what was left of Christian's.

            He pulled the blankets around himself and shivered.  He had been so used to having someone next to him...  It always ended with this empty, lonely, coldness that seemed to creep through his entire body.

            There was a knock at the door.

'These wounds won't seem to heal,

This pain is just too real,

There's just too much that time cannot erase...'

            He raised himself and summoned the will to walk to the door, at least to look through the peep-hole.  He found himself looking at the person who had just broken his heart, and he didn't want to turn the handle.

            But he did, and he opened the door to the one man he wanted to shut out.

            "Christian..."  Chris started, then shrugged.  "I don't think there's anything I can say to make this entire situation better...  But...  I just wanted to say that I guess I'm sorry."

            Christian stared blankly at Chris.  'He's apologizing?'

            "I'm sorry that I used you."

            Christian couldn't help the tears filling his eyes, and he reached out and his hands grasped the front of Jericho's shirt.  "Please tell me it wasn't all a lie...  Please..."  Reduced to begging.  How pathetic.

            The look of disgust of Jericho's face mirrored the feelings brewing inside Christian perfectly.  "Christian, pull yourself together...  Save your dignity before it's too late."

            "But I love you!"  Christian sobbed, burying his face against the chest of his ex-lover.  "I don't want to just forget you!  I don't want you not to love me!  What did I do wrong?!  Tell me!"

            "Christian, you didn't do anything wrong."  Chris stiffly replied, pushing Christian away.  "It's what I did wrong.  I was using you, do you understand?  I don't love you.  I never did."

            Christian, no longer supported by Chris Jericho, collapsed slowly to the floor in a sobbing heap.  "Why?"

            "We just don't have chemistry, Christian.  I'm sure you noticed that...  Right?  I mean, you never loved me after all, did you?"

            "I love you..."  Christian mumbled, not daring to look even at Chris' shoe.  He would fall apart completely.

            "You're fooling yourself...  Christian, love doesn't exist.  There's only the need to be someone.  And I want to be someone.  I know how to do it.  You do too.  You had Edge, he held you up.  You have Kurt too, and Lance and Test.  They both held you up.  Then you had me.  We benefitted from one another as long as we could.  But there's nothing left for us now."

            Christian refused to reply.

            "I moved on.  You should, too."

            "I don't have anyone else to go to..."  He whimpered, still not even looking anywhere near Chris.  "You were the only person I had left..."

            "That's not true.  I bet if you screw around with Rocky, you'll get yourself some form of title shot, eventually.  Maybe against me.  If not a title shot, then at least upper-midcard status.  Picture that."

            "I don't want to."

            Chris made a dissapproving sound.  "Don't make this any harder for yourself than it already is."

'When you cried I'd,

Wipe away all of your tears,

When you'd scream I'd,

Fight away all of your fears,

And I've held your hand through all of these years...

But you still have...

All of me...'

            "Go back to bed, and just don't think about me anymore.  I'm...  Going back to my own room now."  Chris stood there for a moment longer, hesitating, then turned and left.

            Christian must have sat in the open doorway for hours before finding the strength to shut the door.  That done, he couldn't find anything left in him to even get to bed.  He sat on the cold floor in the room, crying.  He couldn't believe the things Chris had just said to him...  He couldn't believe that the entire relationship had just been a lie.  He couldn't believe the one person he had thought was going to be different...  Had turned out just like the rest.

            Just like the rest.

*****

            RAW, Monday Night.

            Christian was sitting in the locker room, tuned out from everything around him.  His eyes had a glazed-over look, like he was dead.  The busy locker room noises, lockers banging shut, loud joking voices, nothing disturbed his trance.

            "Hey."

            Christian finally blinked heavily a couple times, then looked at the person who had spoken to him.

            Rob Van Dam was standing there, hand on his hip, a look of concern on his face.  "You ok, dude?  You've been spacing out for almost an hour."

            Christian didn't reply, and went back into his trance, his eyes downcast at the floor, but he wasn't really looking at anything.

            Rob stood there for a few more seconds, then shrugged and gave a helpless glance to the others who had wondered about Christian's condition.  "Maybe someone should talk to Eric about giving him a night off?"

            "Why?"

            Christian finally reacted, looking up quickly.

            Chris Jericho was standing in the doorway, a scowl on his face.  "Christian doesn't need time off, he needs to grow up."

            Christian's happy reaction changed quickly, and he got up to leave, but when he got to the door, he stopped in front of Chris.  He didn't want to push past him.  That would involve touching him.

            "Gonna go cry?"  Chris asked smugly, his usual smirk in place.  "You've always been a little baby."

            It was too much to take.  All his anger gathered quickly, and in a swift motion, his fist connected with Chris' nose with a resounding 'CRACK' that echoed through the quickly silent locker room.

            While Chris swore and got out of the way, Christian made his hasty exit, hating himself even more then he had just seconds ago.  He had just hit the one person he loved.  He had struck his partner, again.  After promising himself he wouldn't do that kind of stuff anymore.  He was vaguely aware of someone else's footsteps behind him, but that didn't matter.  He kept walking until he found the exit to the arena, and he stepped out into the crisp night air, aware that he was crying again.

            The door opened behind him, and he felt strong hands grab his shoulders and turn him around, slamming his back into the brick wall.

            "What the fuck is your problem?!"

            Hunter.

            "Who told you you could hit him, you jealous little rat!?"

            Christian looked directly into the dark eyes of the man who had taken Chris away from him.  And he did the only thing he could think of.

            He spit on him.

            Seconds later, he was shocked to find himself sitting on his ass on the pavement, pain radiating down the left half of his face.  Hunter had punched him good and hard, enough to cause a small lapse of memory.

            "You're worthless, you know that?!"  Hunter raged, wiping the spit from his cheek.  "I ought to kill you!"

            "Go ahead."  Christian mumbled.  "It wouldn't make a difference."

            Hunter heard him, and stood there for a minute before calming.  "You aren't worth it, Christian."  And he went back inside.

            Christian allowed himself to slump back so he was lying on the sidewalk outside of the arena.  The chilly cement made him tremble, but he didn't bother to move.  What was the point?  He shut his eyes and slowly drifted into unconciousness.

'You used to captivate me...

By your resonating light,

Now I'm bound by,

The life you've left behind...

Your face it haunts,

My once-pleasant dreams,

Your voice has chansed away,

All of the sanity in me...'

            After quite a long time, Christian came to.  He wasn't cold anymore, and he felt the fabric of a blanket draped along his body.  He opened his eyes and looked around.  He was in what looked like a hotel room.

            "Took you long enough."

            Christian's heart stopped beating for a second as he recognized the voice.  He sat up, his eyes wide.

            "Lance?!"

            "I hope you weren't expecting Jericho.  He left you out there."

            "Where am I?"

            "In my hotel room..."  There was a short silence.  "Is your head ok?"

            "Why shouldn't it be?"  Christian hugged the blankets to his chest.

            "Hunter hit you really hard...  I was on my way out of the arena...  Good job with the whole spit thing."  Lance gave Christian a smile.  It was forced, but it was a smile nonetheless.

            Christian returned it.

            "Want anything?  I could call room service or something..."

            "No thanks..."

            Lance sat down on the edge of the bed, and there was a very long silence this time.  "...  Mind if I ask what happened?"

            Christian was quiet for a second, then he softly murmered, "Chris never loved me...  He made me believe he did so that he could sleep with me and be tag team champion."

            Lance didn't say anything.

            "He told me he loved me!  He told me so many times, he replied when I said it to him!  He was lying to me the WHOLE time!!!"  Christian broke down crying.  "Why would he DO that to me?!  Why does everyone keep doing that to me?!"

            "...  Don't take this the wrong way...  But...  I never did that to you."  Lance hesitantly reached across to Christian and took his hand.  "I never would."

'I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone...

But though you're still with me,

I've been alone all alone...'

            Christian let himself really feel this touch.  And he did feel it, right down to his soul.  It was loving, in a way that only Lance could be.

            And he yanked his hand away and got up, ignoring the slight dizziness.  "I'm sorry, I just...  I want to go back to my room...  I..."  He stammered, ignoring the look on Lance's face.

            The surprise and hurt faded fast and was replaced by his usual emotionless expression.  "It was nice seeing you."

            Christian, confused at how quickly Lance could stop caring about him, didn't move.

            "I thought you were leaving?"

            The blonde spun around and opened the door, barrelling into the hallway and down to the stairs.  He sat down at the top step and buried his face in his hands.  He felt a good-sized bump where he had been punched, and he knew he probably had a rather large bruise.  But what was really keeping his attention was how he had felt when Lance had taken his hand.  After Christian had told him abruptly that it was over, that he had found a new person...

            Realization dawned on Christian and he finally saw...  What he had done to him by Edge, by Chris...  He had done it to Lance.  He had done that to someone.

            He got back up and didn't pause once as he headed back to Lance's room and knocked on the door.

            The shorter man seemed surprised when he answered and found Christian, but he was even more surprised when the sobbing man threw himself into Lance's arms.  He felt slightly uncomfortable, but it faded quickly with the realization that he finally had Christian back in his arms.  He finally was holding him again.  While romance wasn't possible, and may never have been again...  This was how he wanted it to be.  He wanted to at least be able to hold the person he had loved for so long and provide as much comfort as he could.

            Maybe one day, it would be more.

END